The Growth in Letting Go

Dropping off your oldest at EFY is a rite of passage

Recently I’ve had a few of those Woman/Mother Rites of Passage experiences of officially letting go in order to fly.
Most significantly, I’ve had to let my son go.
The opportunity came for this 15-year-old son, who has Asperger’s Syndrome (a high-functioning autism), to attend a week-long Especially for Youth (an LDS youth camp). My husband and I had confidently engaged in our parental assessment. “You know, we’ve taught him. He knows what to do” … “You’re right, he has the tools, now he just needs life experiences to practice.”
But the pre-game euphoria is quickly dismissed by the stark game-day reality when you take him to the conference: i.e., he forgets his shoes so you run to a nearby store, with all five children in tow, only to run back and find him completely missing and search for 45 minutes but don’t have that kind of time because all said children have vital dental appointments that simply cannot be put off any longer without their teeth falling into their pork chops.
Though all worked out well, my stomach began to churn at what may await him for the week. In a moment’s flash, I realized I had to let go. Worrying about him was not only unfruitful, it would only multiply. So I left him with a few key instructions: “Stay focused, ask your roommate some real life questions, and don’t call home more than once a day.” About six hours later, guess who was waiting by the phone? Certainly not him. On Tuesday night he called, talking covertly on the phone: “Mom, we had to go to a DANCE and I had to escort a GIRL.” Rather than actually dance with said girl, or any girl, he chose to walk around the building for the remaining 2 ½ hours.  Attempting to keep a casual tone, I invited him before the week was out to actually ask a girl to dance.
Friday night he called to say that not only did he escort a girl to the dance, but that he danced with her, AND that he performed dance moves in front of a circle of about 30 people, moves I had no idea he knew (The Worm?). He was King of the Night, that was of course until his pants ripped in a particular area and he became aware of it only when a girl screamed. He made a hasty exit but reveled in the memory of the evening.
Though the week was a good experience for him, it was particularly influential for me as I began to more clearly see my other children and let go a little more.  I discovered daily there were too many areas I was overcrowding and not allowing them to fly. One morning I was in the midst of housework when my littlest one, who was potty training, needed to do her thing. In that same flash I asked my 8-year-old daughter to take her. Not only did my little one do magic for her IMMEDIATELY, but my older daughter gave her the sticker and a hug, just like mom. All week, from cleaning to each child taking a turn daily making lunch, I allowed my children to do for themselves and for others.
Which, lastly, helped me to let go of some things in my own life. I realized in particular areas I needed to leave the comfort of a canoe and embrace sailing the open sea. For me, that required letting go of personal fears and expectations that no longer applied. As Maria Shriver says beautifully in “Just Who Will You Be?” — “I’ve learned it’s OK to change. Sometimes it’s not just OK, but mandatory. You can let go of some beliefs that maybe have served you well along the way, but just don’t work for you anymore. We’re supposed to grow and evolve. We have to give ourselves permission and freedom to stay open to change. I’m not talking about running away or having plastic surgery … (or) throwing away our core principles and values and morals … I’m talking about letting life’s experiences affect and mature you.”
Even if that experience is only the simple success of asking someone to dance or to appropriately delegate potty training, letting go is the only way we can truly fly.

About the Author
Connie Sokol is an at-home mother and president of LIFEChange, a program to enhance women’s lives.
For more information, visit www.lifechangeprogram.com.

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