Merging Money

4 tips for turning ‘mine and yours’ into ‘ours’

Orem’s K.J. and Macie Stratton got married July 26, 2007.

But during the months leading up to the wedding, the couple did more than pick out flowers, dresses and dance songs.

They talked finances.

“Even before we were married we began thinking of it as ‘our’ money,” Macie says. “We didn’t get hung up on who was paying for what because we knew we were in it together.”

While the pair is still working on the details of their budget, they know it’s a big part of their marriage.

“We’ve heard that one of the things people fight about most is money,” K.J. says. “We’re trying to avoid that by being open with each other.”

Although most couples experience stress over money at some point, here are four tips for newlyweds looking to merge their money.

1. Talk about it
“If they’re talking about money, I don’t care how they’re talking about it or what they’re talking about, they’ll figure it out,” says Craig Israelson, an associate professor in the School of Family Life at BYU who teaches classes on family finances. “If given enough time, I’m convinced frogs could figure this out.”

Open communication is a key to many aspects of marriage, and finances are no exception. Husband and wife need to openly discuss attitudes, habits, goals and behaviors.

So, why do so many couples struggle?

“People need to change the way they talk about money,” Craig says. “It doesn’t have to be a negative thing where the two sides attack each other. Don’t focus on what you can’t do. Focus on what you can do.”

Craig and his wife have three types of discussions regarding their shared budget. First, they plan the upcoming month. Second, they periodically make adjustments to the plan as needed, and third, they have an end-of-the-month review. Even a basic spreadsheet can assist in tracking financial information.

“We schedule these meetings to plan the month like we would to plan the upcoming calendar,” he says. “It takes a couple of minutes and helps us stay on course.”

2. Start early
As a less romantic part of the courting process, couples should discuss financial history and attitudes.

“You should see each other’s credit before you get married,” says Kelly Terry, branch manager of the South Orem branch of Utah Community Credit Union. “Be open with each other. There’s nothing more awkward than finding out about bad credit or heavy debt while you’re sitting with a third party applying for a loan.”

While money shouldn’t be a reason for getting married (or not getting married), it should be part of the equation.

“Find out if they’re a saver or a spender,” Kelly says. “It’s important to understand your differences when making joint financial decisions.”

3. Involve both parties
“People support what they helped create,” Craig says. “These don’t have to be agonizing discussions. What is agonizing is when one spouse has to carry the financial load alone.”

Be wary of having one spouse be “in charge” of the money. While a division of labor may be necessary in certain financial tasks, make sure both members of the partnership have input, responsibility and decision-making power.

Even if one spouse enjoys “crunching the numbers,” it’s important that both spouses understand what’s happening and have access to the same information.

“We see problems when they’re not used to sharing an account,” Kelly says. “They’ll each have debit cards and will go over. Involving both people in reporting and being responsible will help.”

4. Be patient
Avoid unnecessary debt early in marriage (and throughout) by being patient.

“We see people who want to immediately have a house or lifestyle that’s the same as their parents,” Macie says. “That’s scary. We don’t want to get into that kind of debt. We’re trying to only spend what we can afford.”

The irony is, “financially-set parents” often cherish “good ol’ days” when they took walks for dates and used second-hand furniture.

“People look back with fondness on the days when they were in college and had no money,” Craig says. “That’s when they had their greatest friendships and grew the most as a couple. They were simple times.”

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