Stephen Covey makes a statement about habits of success, family and e-mail (which usually doesn’t
fall into the ‘important’ quadrants)

By Jeanette W. Bennett
Photography by Kenneth Linge

Stephen Covey and I held our interview in what he calls his “Harvest Room,” but we didn’t talk about seeds he has sown and reaped as author of one of the best-selling business books.

This 76-year-old wanted to focus on the future. In fact, one of the eight books he’s working on right now is tentatively called “Living Life In Crescendo.”

“Throughout life, we should constantly be finding more meaning,” he says. “We shouldn’t slow down.”

Without a doubt, Stephen practices what he preaches.

The week before we met in his memorabilia-filled Provo home, Stephen traveled to India to train government leaders. He also received a letter and photo from President Bush thanking him for their recent meeting, which he promptly framed.

His kitchen counter displayed a photo with President Barack Obama, who has asked him to train his staff.

Talk about needing a planner.

Life is busy for this best-selling author, father of nine, long-time Utah Valley resident and friend of Oprah’s. In fact, this interview was nine years in the making. He wasn’t eager to take the time to be a “celebrity” in his hometown when there is so much training and education to be done around the world.

Thanks to persistence (and a little nudging from his daughter), Stephen and I met for this fast-paced conversation.

UV: What is it like to be Stephen Covey and live here in Utah County?
Stephen: I wear a baseball cap when I go out, and people don’t often recognize me because they don’t see my bald shiny head! (laughing) I’d rather have a lower profile in Utah, which is why I’ve put off this interview with you for so many years.

UV: Thank you for finally giving into my persistence! I’ve read your work and heard your audiobooks. In fact, you talked to me all the way over here on your “8th Habit” audiobook.
Stephen: Thank you. Recently, I was in Chicago and I was talking on the phone. I had my cap on, and this guy walked past me and then turned back and asked, “Are you Stephen Covey?” I told him I was and asked him, “How did you know?” He said, “Because of your voice. I’ve been listening to you for years!” (laughing)

UV: What do you love about living in Provo?
Stephen: I love the beauty of it. I love the natural setting. I love the relative smallness of it. You have access to everything! I love being close to BYU. In a setting like this (points out the window at the peaceful snowy grounds of his home), you are pretty isolated. And yet I’m so close to everything. I love having my friends and my children all around.

UV: Do all of your nine children live around here?
Stephen: We cut them off if they don’t! (laughs) They all live around here or in the Salt Lake area.

UV: How often do you see your kids and grandkids?
Stephen: With 50 grandkids, our Saturdays are gone plus a lot of nights. We try to be to 80 percent of their key activities. I have to do long-term planning to accomplish that. I could tell you what I’m doing for the next two years. I put the family things in there first — graduations, etc.

UV: What do you do to sharpen your saw?
Stephen: I prayerfully ponder the scriptures every morning. I bike and swim. I do yoga and Pilates. We also go to dinner with friends or to movies. The other thing I do to sharpen my saw is to make deposits into the emotional bank accounts of my kids and my wife. My wife, Sandra, just had a back operation, and it’s been a slow and patient process. But she has a great spirit. She communicates tremendous values to our kids all the time. She shows that in spite of her situation, she is happy and learning and growing.

UV: I know you are a big advocate for both BYU and UVU.
Stephen: I’m on the President’s Leadership Council at BYU, and I try to help create a synergy between BYU and UVU. I appreciate UVU’s desire to do community service. You see, a trim tab turns the entire ship. And UVU can be the trim tab for our community. They can bring people together to form a culture for our area.

UV: How do you handle all the demands on your time for community service, endorsements, donations, sponsorships?
Stephen: It’s kinda tough. That’s why I don’t go to an office. I don’t do e-mail. I don’t attend a lot of meetings.

UV: Do you have a cell phone?
Stephen: Yes, but nobody knows my number. Just Sandra and my office. Otherwise, I’d get swept into quadrant 3 and 4 — things that are not important.

UV: Wow! You are saving so much time without e-mail, meetings and cell phone calls!
Stephen: Yes! I have other people go through my mail, analyze things for me and prepare the first draft of most of my letters. I keep my energies for only the projects I am working on rather than being distracted by others’ projects.

UV: Was it hard for you in the beginning to let go and let others take care of things for you?
Stephen: Absolutely not. I like to delegate — it empowers people and energizes them.

UV: What energizes you?
Stephen: My life is consumed with a sense of mission, and that gives me energy. When you have a sense of purpose, life is different and you are able to live life in crescendo. Most men are focused on their career, and when that’s over they are over. But if you have a significant purpose and meaning to your life, it strengthens your immune system and gives you an extra 20 years of life.

UV: What about women?
Stephen: Most women are more focused on their family — and not just their immediate family, but their intergenerational family. And look how much longer women live. They live with purpose!

UV: What has been a defining moment of your life?
Stephen: I don’t feel like I have one defining moment — there’s always another mountain ahead of me. Just last week I was in New Delhi, India. The legislature was arguing with each other. I held up a book called “The Argumentative Indian.” I asked, “Is this true?” They laughed. We worked through their issues.

UV: Where else have you traveled lately?
Stephen: I did a program for the Dominican Republic where I trained their president and legislature. They were fighting with each other, so I taught them Indian Stick Communication — which is that you cannot speak until you have restated the other side’s point to their satisfaction. Very few husbands or wives or parents practice Indian Stick Communication, but they should! It overcomes offensiveness and unleashes creative energy — and people come up with alternative solutions. It was taught to the Founding Fathers, and it created a synergy and respect.

UV: How did you get started on your path to being a leadership guru and educator?
Stephen: I went to Harvard Business School to get a degree and go back to the family business — Covey’s Little America. But it was in school that I found myself. I started training leaders, and I shifted totally. I found my voice in training and teaching. I had to tell my dad that I didn’t want to go back to the family business. He said, “I never found my voice in business either.”

UV: That must have been hard to walk away from the family business since you are so focused on family.
Stephen: Everything is based on the family. We should see life through the lens of the family. Today there are 75 people in our family, but in 10 years we’ll have 150. It’s important that an intergenerational family creates a culture — the norms and mores of the family. I have lessons that I give to my kids and grandkids before they go on missions or get married. I want to help them as they go through the stages of their lives.

UV: And your blog helps the rest of the world with their challenges. You may be one of the only 76-year-olds with an active blog!
Stephen: Well, we’re trying to develop a learning community. We have about 80,000 people who are part of it so far. We teach them to paradigm shift, and we teach them how to really develop powerful cultures. To me, the key is culture — in the family, in the school, in the business world. You need to create a culture of people who are dedicated to the same value system and overall purpose.

UV: What has been the hardest part of your 76 years of life?
Stephen: I had bone deteriorism growing up. I was on crutches for more than three years. It turned out to be a blessing because it shifted me from athletics to academics. I was a nerd.

UV: I doubt that!
Stephen: It’s true. I was at the University of Utah by age 16. I skipped two grades. Another hard experience for me was deciding to follow my voice and not follow the pattern of my family business. I did go into business eventually — with FranklinCovey, which is now in 144 countries.

UV: You are friends with celebrities and statesmen throughout the world. What insights have you gained from them?
Stephen: I’ve learned to put family first. Many of the people I’ve met have messed up families. I see a lot of this at Sundance with the celebrities. Their families are just really screwed up.

UV: How do you prepare for your speaking engagements?
Stephen: I have someone who prepares briefing papers on every group I meet with, including their unique challenges. In my presentations, I walk around a lot asking people about their pressing concerns. I start with their pain, and then we move to solutions.

UV: What’s been easy about being Stephen Covey?
Stephen: Teaching. I’m more of a teacher than a speaker. I like a lot of interaction. The other day I was teaching at a regional young adult fireside. I had them teach each other. The key to learning is to teach. As your children grow up, don’t get them to do their homework. Have them teach you what they are learning in each of their classes. This will turn them into top students.

UV: You continue to be a voracious learner and reader yourself. How do you find time?
Stephen: I discipline myself to do it. I fill my mind with new information for at least two hours per day. I go away from my office and read up there (points to loft) or in the library. I go somewhere peaceful.

UV: What about all the books you are asked to endorse or comment on?
Stephen: I can tell within 10 minutes if it’s going to sell or not. Does the book start with the pain of the reader or the pain of the writer? If it starts with the head of the writer, then it doesn’t really concern the reader.

UV: What makes you laugh?
Stephen: Sometimes I wear crazy teeth and glasses and walk around. People just roar when they see it, and that makes me laugh. I also played a joke on my daughter Colleen last night at the BYU basketball game — she was in the bathroom and I pounded on the door and said in a disguised voice, “Hurry up!” Then I ran off. She came hurrying out, and apologized to the man standing there who didn’t know what she was talking about. (laughing)

UV: What makes you nervous?
Stephen: Unhappiness in any of the kids or grandkids. So far we’ve had no empty chairs. But I am unhappy when they are unhappy.

UV: To borrow a phrase from your friend Oprah, what do you know for sure?
Stephen: I know for sure family is where it’s at — particularly the intergenerational family. Most people only think in terms of the nuclear family, and they gradually lose contact with cousins, grandparents. But a nuclear family doesn’t develop the same culture as an intergenerational one. I also know that leadership is a choice — not a position. It’s based on moral authority.

UV: This article will appear in the same issue of Utah Valley Magazine where we highlight high school leaders. What advice do you have for them?
Stephen: Take a lot of initiative. Live by principles so people absolutely trust you. You have to have total integrity. You also need to write a personal mission statement — even if it gets amended and adapted later on. Develop a mission statement that makes a difference in the lives of people or organizations. Realize that true leadership isn’t about position. Ghandi never held a position. He took the influence he had and changed the largest democracy in the world.

UV: You’ve changed our world! Thank you for your time today.

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